Since graduation life has been a strange mix of emotions along with lots of time to think. This is really a strange time for me. In school, I was the kind of person who planned out every hour of the day in order to fit in school, family, friends and homework all with time for that precious hour of television to watch my newest favorite show of the season. I was a hard worker and I liked feeling like I was a hard worker.
These days there is no schedule, there's no list of things that need to be done, well, at least it's not even long enough to have to write down. I miss my planner with it's million things exploding out of the day's square.
Even though I miss being busy and feeling productive, I'm learning a lot in this period of time that I've been forced to 'take a breath.' I've met some wonderful people and God's teaching me to look to Him and not to my goals or aspirations to find my identity. Graduating college was my goal for as long as I can remember and I never really gave life after college much thought until I arrived here. Let's just say I'm learning to like it. I find comfort in the apparent temporariness of the situation, I know that life will not always be this simple and that I should use this time wisely, not going down dead end roads, but investing in friendships that will last, taking the initiative to continue learning on my own, and continuing to create even when I don't feel like it.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
she only dreams when she's sad
Sometime in between when the past hurt begins to throb again and the present hurt turns purple as it pools with blood, life happens.
Most of the time I wish I could just run away from it all, but logistics stop me. In the end, it's better to face the hurt, to stare it down until it gives in and turns away. Because, no matter how far or how fast you run, it will always be on your heels. Like a shadow it will follow you, sometimes unseen, sometimes towering over you, sometimes darkening those you love who are near, sometimes startling you as it suddenly appears distorted and mangled before you. At times it can almost be comforting in its constancy.
I like to believe there's a place where facing the hurt can be escaped, even if only for a brief moment. Maybe in a little cottage on the Parisian countryside, or in the middle of a forest while the leaves are rustling around you, or perhaps in that moment when something makes you genuinely laugh, or when someone does something that restores your faith in humanity.
Hurt is a part of life, it may be unpleasant, but I'm happy to be feeling at all.
Most of the time I wish I could just run away from it all, but logistics stop me. In the end, it's better to face the hurt, to stare it down until it gives in and turns away. Because, no matter how far or how fast you run, it will always be on your heels. Like a shadow it will follow you, sometimes unseen, sometimes towering over you, sometimes darkening those you love who are near, sometimes startling you as it suddenly appears distorted and mangled before you. At times it can almost be comforting in its constancy.
I like to believe there's a place where facing the hurt can be escaped, even if only for a brief moment. Maybe in a little cottage on the Parisian countryside, or in the middle of a forest while the leaves are rustling around you, or perhaps in that moment when something makes you genuinely laugh, or when someone does something that restores your faith in humanity.
Hurt is a part of life, it may be unpleasant, but I'm happy to be feeling at all.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Return, if you must.
At times it is necessary to go back. Visit if you can, linger if you must, but never leave from the past unchanged.
http://wholeheart.xanga.com
Sunday, October 26, 2008
To Start Things Off
Well, things are all set up!
Semi-regular posting to begin soon... unless I end up missing xanga.
Semi-regular posting to begin soon... unless I end up missing xanga.
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